Monday, April 6, 2009

Road Rant

With my job I'm on the road quite a bit. I maintain the speed limit and sometimes a bit more. On the freeways I move with the traffic staying in the right lane and passing in the left. However I've noticed that it doesn't matter if I'm traveling through city streets, back roads or on the freeway, someone wants to redesign the back of my car.

Now my kids will tell you that I'm very sociable and they are always getting on me because I'll talk to anyone. We may be standing in line, riding on a bus or plane or even shopping when I'll meet someone new and have a short discussion on a mutual topic. I like people but not obnoxious drivers who are dying to meet me by redesigning my rear bumper.

One day while on the freeway I took a picture of a school bus passing me at 80 mph and a landscape truck that came up behind me and wanted to make me part of the road. I mean he couldn't get much closer and I was already exceeding the speed limit by quite a bit so I could pull over and let him go on his merry way. As I pulled over he proceeded to do the same thing to the car in front of him again and again.

Other times I'll find a lot of young mothers with kids in their SUVs that want to meet me as well. I'm much older now maybe they want some advice about raising a family that I must exude through my silver Saturn Ion. Other times it's some guy in his big truck or SUV that obviously can't see my car. I must sometimes run in stealth mode without knowing it or perhaps they see my beautiful face in my rear view mirrors and want a date or something. I don't know.

I often wonder where are the police when you need them. Now after being on the road so much I know. They are on my rear bumper too in an effort to get nowhere fast. They'll come out of nowhere and, Boom, there they are inches from me. I press on my gas pedal watching for them to turn on their lights as my car goes faster and faster in order to pull over into the right lane and let them by. Once they are clear of my rear bumper they are off! I think, yea, they're going to get that guy up there that wanted to change my life forever. Not.

Then when all hope is gone, a silver mean looking car goes whizzing by me. I think, another jerk. But, no, not this time. It's a knight in a silver car with flashing red lights pulling over the the guy who was trying to change my life forever. Oh, I love those unmarked cars!

And what happens to those other police cars? Ha! They lie in wait off to the side of the road, some days, ready to pounce like a cat on those unsuspecting speeders that are radar equipped and never caught. Have you ever noticed that those cars that aren't speeding slow down even more? What is with that?

Anyhow this past weekend I decided to take action. Yep, you can't let these things build up inside of you. I designed bumper stickers and had a lot of fun doing them.

I made this one first because I do trial exhibits for a law firm specializing in personal injury. Many involve automobile accidents. I'd refer anyone to them.

Then I thought that many of those drivers who want to meet me might not be smart enough to understand my meaning of the above so I did this one.

One of the other problems I find on our freeways here in NJ is that drivers don't use cruise control or each car maker has their cruise controls calibrated differently. Obviously you wouldn't use cruise control in wet weather but, hey, things would surely move much smoother if everyone did use it. I mean most women use birth control and most often then not it works. So why not use cruise control.

I tried to be positive about why some drivers are in a hurry. You know I hate to be late but any more I just can not move fast. So I try to give myself more time to get to places. I think if I can do that so can others.

My favorite though is the next one. I would love to install a camera in my license plate and take pictures of those who think it's a magnet drawing them into my bumper.

There were quite a few good ones I looked through before doing mine. I had some good laughs and others were disgusting.

I FAILED MY DRIVING TEST 7 TIMES , BACK OFF OR ... by nightmare7darkangel

Well, I have to go to work now. I'll be buckling up in my Silver Saturn Ion and hitting the freeway. It's raining today so I'll just coast along in the right hand lane and ease on down the road hoping that no one really wants to meet me through the back of my car.

Have a Firecrackin Great Day everyone and thanks for reading my rant if you did.

1 comment:

Ruth J Jamieson said...

Great Rant Mama! Love the bumper stickers too! You Rock! ;D