Saturday, December 13, 2008

I Broke My Butt!

It is absolutely unreal how crazy things become around this time of year. Within the last week I've spent tons of money on gifts I've made at Zazzle, had to have an MRI on my butt only to find out it's broken, bought software to learn Spanish, am preparing for my daughter to come home from CA for good (happy to do all that-can't wait for her to come), and learned first hand that I need more items in my galleries!

I've had a pretty good first year at Zazzle considering there are hundreds, if not thousands, of very talented artists, photographers and graphic designers all selling their items as well. It's almost like an exclusive mall for unique and customized gifts. All I know is that I'm having one great time and learning so much about the Internet.

Yes, that learning has come at a cost though. Last year in April I had my third abdominal surgery within 3 yrs that took until August for me to really be getting back on my feet to exercise. The problem is that with each surgery I gained at least 12lbs. So when August rolled around I was too fat to even feel like exercising anything but my fingers and my eyes. Yep, I sat on the hardest chair around designing, marketing and selling my items online.

I worked so hard and so long that in the middle of November I did something to my leg and experienced the most excruciating pain when I tried to walk. Naturally most of the pain was around my butt. So off to the long list of doctors and their theories of what could be wrong. If you've had experiences with doctors you know the first thing they do is send you for zillions of tests. I nixed that one right quick.

The first test requested was for an ultrasound in which I was to drink 32oz. of water one hour before the test and momentarily before drink some more. All right for those of you who don't know at my age there is no way that is going to happen but I called to schedule the test anyhow. However two days before I did a trial run. I think I had 16oz going on 24oz before I knew I wasn't going to be able to handle it.

Since I couldn't do that test the next thing was instructing me to see a string of specialists. I called the first specialist for the colonoscopy. It didn't matter that I was in pain and suffering the best they could do for me was schedule an appointment in January. Mind you now this was around Thanksgiving and I had already missed two days of work. Oh, and before that I had to go for some consultation - no thanks. The second specialist was a urologist. He was willing to see me if I had had some tests completed and I had to have a consultation with him. On top of that I was clueless of who this guy was. So naturally I Googled him - not very impressive.

Meanwhile at home my husband was becoming quite agitated that nothing was really being done to help. I told him I had called our primary and he couldn't see me until the middle of December. What's wrong with this picture folks?

I guess it was the second week in December that I finally made a house call to the primary's office. No fooling around here - been a patient of that office for 25 years and only go when I'm sick or in pain such as now. I managed to dodge the desk help and see the office manager - who I've known as long as I've gone there. I explained my plight and said it was time for me to locate another primary who would be willing to see me when I was sick and not wait until I was dead.

Amazing what can happen when you know the right person. I saw the primary on Monday. It was rather embarrassing explaining my symptoms but I didn't care I was in pain and not in the mood for a ton of ridiculous tests to rule out this and that. What a surprise he concurred, after all he did feel some type of mass. So an MRI it was of my pelvic region.

I have a history with MRI's. Actually broke one - claustrophobic. This was in an earlier life time - at least I now know what it would be like to live eternity in a coffin. Hah, not me. I'm definitely going to be cremated and sprinkled over somebody's vineyard.

Originally the radiology service I was to use scheduled me for an MRI for tomorrow. It was a closed one like before and not knowing how long it would take for me to schedule for the "opened" one I took the appointment. However Monday night I awoke to the most awful feeling - I'd been dreaming about the "closed" MRI machine. Tuesday I called and didn't care how long it was going to take to use the "opened" machine. Wow! they took me yesterday morning!

The one thing I've learned over the years is that if something is wrong it really doesn't take those 3-4 days for reports to get back to the doctor. So I knew if I received a phone call yesterday after the test - I'd be in trouble.

The call came in the late afternoon. I was sitting in the parking lot with my mother in the car preparing to go buy my MegaMillions ticket - hmmm...I wonder if I won. Anyhow after going through a string of things they found floating around in my body that weren't apparently causing the pain, the doctor asked me if I had fallen recently or had some type of trauma. No. Now my curiosity was peaked. Well, it turns out that I broke my Inferior Pubic Ramus - What the Hell is that???

Googled it. Hope Wikipedia is right. Now I have to go see an orthopedic and take my films with me. Can you hear me on the phone now trying to schedule that appointment.

"Hello, I would like to schedule and appointment."
"Ok, and what type of problem are you having, Mrs. Firecrackinmama?" asks the receptionist.
"I broke my butt and my primary told me to come see a doctor there to fix it," I reply. (I've forgotten how to punctuate these thingys)
"Oh, that hurts," she replies.
Duh??? "Yes, it does."
"How did you break you butt?" she asks.
Now comes the good part. "I don't know."
"Did you fall?"
"No, and I haven't done much but sit on my butt and work my Zazzle online store," I answered. Ha! A good plug! "Yes, I'm"
"Oh, that's funny. I'll have to check that out some time."
How about right now. I need traffic!
"Have you had any tests, Firecrackinmama?" she asks.
"Why yes I have. I had an MRI without and with contrast."
"Did that show the fracture?"
Pause... I need to gather myself and not reply in a sarcastic, demeaning or nasty way. "Why I guess it did since they told me it was broken and I'm suppose to make an appointment with an orthopedic." How's that?
"Well, how do you think you broke your butt?" she asks.
"To tell you the truth, I think it was from sitting on it for too long."
"Sitting on it for too long?"
"Yes, sitting on it too long." Another chance for a plug for my site. I added, "I've been working on my products for my site. I just opened my Firecrackinmama's Christmas Gallery and sitting on the hardest chair in the world. However last week my husband and I went over to Sam's Club and I bought a new desk chair. It's quite comfortable to sit in and work on my new gallery."
"Hmm, well that's nice," she replies. Guess she missed the plug. "It looks like we have an opening with Dr. So&So on February 28,2009 at 6:00am. Would you like that one?"

Actually the orthopedic that I will see, I've been to before and things won't go that badly - at least I hope not.

Now for the visuals or not. Will they put my butt in a cast? I know they'll give me pain pills - sorry but they are worthless they make me sick to my stomach. Welp, I'll let you know.

I guess some others have had some interesting medical issues with doctors too.

Ask Your Doctor T-Shirt shirt
Ask Your Doctor T-Shirt by ninthcircle
Funny Medical Print! print
Funny Medical Print! by mayc00p
Doctor T-shirt shirt
Doctor T-shirt by medicaltshirts

And now for the Grand Finale!!!! Three Booms Please!!!

Gifts for Nurses & Patients card
Gifts for Nurses & Patients by medicalhumor

Boom! Boom!! Boom!!!

Well, here's to a happy, wealthy and healthy new year to all!!


mythopolis said...

Excellent post...I hope you will be ok...I have no health care coverage at all, and haven't for several years...thank god for the county clinic and the nurse practitioners who are so much better than the doctors anyway. Writing from America and health-care sucks here.

totallypainted said...

Aww MAMA! Your poor butt! I broke mine a few years ago but it was from a nice spill down some old, hardwood, slippery stairs :( I never thought the pain would go away, but eventually it did! HUGS to you!